


Come Back To Me

by dinglepotter



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt, angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-08 01:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinglepotter/pseuds/dinglepotter
Summary: In light of recent events I decided I wanted to re-write Thursday's episode. This is obviously an AU. I mean it's just how I feel at this moment and where I feel Robert may have been heading towards.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is in Liv's POV and it will eventually go onto Aaron's and Robert's POV. Read each chapter summary before reading the chapter so you know who's POV it is in.

_“I’m so sorry. I am so sorry. Sorry I wasn’t good enough. Sorry that whatever I did was never good enough. I’m sorry for that argument that night, for taking my ring off which led to you punching Kasim. Everything is my fault and I accept that. That’s not me trying to get sympathy and for people to feel sorry for me. If I had just sat down with you that night and if I had told you how I felt instead of shutting myself off, instead of closing myself off against all emotions, none of this would of happened. I’ve never had a relationship like this. I’ve never felt like I belong in a relationship before, it sounds weird doesn’t it? But this, god, this relationship with you Aaron is so different and it’s terrifying and all consuming but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I finally feel like I can be myself with you and I’m no longer living my life for my Dad and I feel so free and happy. I can’t put into words how much I love you. I don’t think there will ever be words to describe how I feel about you. But I know I can’t make you happy. Something you said that night has stuck with me and I’ve tried, I’ve tried too be better to do everything, to please everyone and look after everyone, forgetting about looking after myself in the process. I’ve been working on your appeal day in, day out and I felt like I was getting somewhere and looking after Liv (I mean I even failed at that in the end) but I thought I was doing well, and then I wasn’t. You said “I hate who I am around you” and I can’t remember how I reacted but ever since I got home a couple of hours ago and you told me to leave you alone, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. You’re scared of being with me aren’t you? You’re scared because you end up lashing out and that’s because of me. And I hate that. And that’s why this is for the best. You’re better off without me, you’ll be happier without me and that will make me happy, knowing that you’re happier and care free. You were always too good to me and I’ve been too selfish to let you go before, but now I’m giving you what you’ve always deserved. I’ll miss you and I’ll always love you. But I need to let you go. I can’t survive without you, I’m falling apart even writing this, so I need to go. Away from here, away from everything. I’m so sorry._

_Tell Vic, Liv and Diane that I’ll miss them and I love them. Tell them that I’m sorry but I need to do this. I need to do this if you’ve got any chance of being happy. Vic will be angry so look after her please. She’ll be angry because she’s hurting but I hope she knows I’m doing this for you. It’s always been for you. You know how Liv will react, but tell her I’ve loved having a little sister again. It’s like I can make up with all those years I lost with Vic. I’ll miss her so much but don’t tell her that because we don’t do soppy._

_I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused over the years but this is my time to somehow redeem myself and to make you happy. That’s all anyone has ever wanted. So they’re getting their wish. I guess this is goodbye. But may if were meant to be, somehow, someday we’ll find a way back to each other._

* * *

He scrunches the paper up and chucks it on the table. Nothing sounds right. Nothing is sounding how he wants them to sound. He tears another piece of paper from his pad and just rights “ _I’m so sorry_ ” and then folds in half, places it on the table. Someone will see it. Hopes it isn’t Liv, but he can't find it in himself to put it somewhere that she won’t find it. He’s past the point in caring. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he’s drank too much but he grabs his keys anyway  and the next thing he’s driving through the village, having no idea where he’s driving too. 

* * *

He feels numb. But that’s the only feeling that is registering. He feels like he’s being spoken to but he can’t work out if he’s dreaming. He can’t open his eyes, he knows that because he tries. He’s not awake but he’s starting to feel more. The pain is excruciating and rips through his entire body. He thinks he’s tied to something and he thinks he hears someone telling him not to move and to stay still. Whatever is happening, he can’t stay awake because although he can’t open his eyes he’s vaguely aware he falls unconscious.  

* * *

Liv sits at the side of his bed, she’s been holding his hand but she let it go a couple of hours ago because she was convinced it was getting colder and she didn’t like what that meant. She keeps looking at his chest, to make sure he’s still breathing. He was taken off the ventilator a couple of days ago and the nurses have said it’s really good that he’s breathing on his own, shows he’s strong. He looks far from strong, when he’s lied there in the bed, with the hospital gown on, looking thin and frail and pale. He doesn’t look like the Robert Sugden he remembers, the one that would comfort her when her nightmares got the better of her. She wonders how she didn’t realise. Didn’t realise he was falling apart. How did she fail to see that? He was so busy looking after the Mill and the businesses and the appeal and her that he stopped focusing on himself. The nurses think he wasn’t eating. A few scraps here and there but not enough for a man of his build, or how much work he was doing. They also said he wasn’t sleeping. Since the nurses informed her and Chas of how Robert clearly hadn’t been looking after himself, she suddenly saw everything she hadn’t seen. And then the guilt consumes her. She knows he’d say it wasn’t her fault but it doesn’t stop her from feeling guilty. She still remembers when she saw the letters on the table and she ran to Chas at the bar, barely able to stand because she knew what they letter meant and her legs felt like jelly at the thought of what Robert was going to do. She still remembers the horror on Chas’s face when Liv managed to tell her what was in the letter. She still remembers the horror that covered every single face of the Dingle family when Chas told them what Robert had wrote. She remembers the rush of everyone exiting the pub, shouting out where they were going to look and she remember Chas pulling her into a hug, them staying at the pub just in case Robert returned home. She doesn’t think she’ll ever forget that day. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is still in Liv's POV and it will eventually go onto Aaron's and Robert's POV. Read each chapter summary before reading the chapter so you know who's POV it is in.

She can’t get the letter out of her head. She remembers reading the one that Robert had clearly crumpled up. The one that described in detail how he felt. She was crying from the start, but her heart broke that he had wrote that he’d miss her, although she chuckled at the fact he’d wrote not to tell her because they don’t do soppy. Because it was true. They did sarcastic but never soppy. What she would do to have him sat up in bed, making his usual sarcastic comments, commenting on her latest music obsession. She thinks of all those times she hated him, was jealous of him and she hates herself for it. He’s always looked after her, accepted her because she was a part of Aaron’s life and all she did was make his life hell for those couple of months. She reminds herself to apologise for everything when he wakes up. Because he will. He will wake up.

* * *

They’ve all been talking to Robert, with encouragement from the nurses, to just talk to him like they normally would. The nurses had explained it was just a waiting game for him to wake up. So they talked. They felt stupid at first, but they’d all gotten use to it. It felt weird talking to Robert and not getting a sarcastic comment back.  

“The appeal worked Robert. All that hard work paid off” She squeezed his hand, in the hope he could feel her as well as hear her. “He’s going to be out in 2 weeks. You just gotta keep fighting okay? Because 2 weeks will fly by and then you’ll get to see Aaron. Did you hear that Robert? The appeal worked” Every time she expects a response, but never gets one back.

* * *

“Ed Sheeran’s new album was released the other day. I know you’ll say you don’t like it but you’ll secretly love it. I’m going to play it while we wait for you to wake up, if that’s okay? There’s a song on their that I think you’ll relate to, but I’ll tell you about it when you wake up” She gets up from where she’s sat and finds the small speaker in her bag, places it on the table and connects it to her phone via Bluetooth. She clicks on his album and listens as it filters out through the speakers, not too loud but loud enough that it fills the room, erases the empty silence. 

She’s constantly checking if he’s still breathing. Listens out, ears open at all times just in case something sounds amiss, she can’t afford to miss anything. For the first time since she was excluded, she’s glad she doesn’t have school, because otherwise she wouldn’t be able to sit here and watch Robert. She’ll have so much work to catch up on, but she doesn’t care. She’ll come to that when the time comes.

Her mind is constantly flicking back to finding the letter. It feels like forever since she found it, just sitting on the table. She thinks that image will forever haunt her. She can’t help but think how Robert had clearly got past the point of caring due to where he left the letter. She knows he would never of left it somewhere she could find it. It feels like forever, but it’s only been 2 weeks. 2 weeks since she found the letter. 2 weeks since the whole Dingle clan went out looking for Robert. 2 weeks since those 2 coppers came into the pub, their faces saying it all. 2 weeks since those coppers told Chas that Robert had been in a serious car accident and that he’d been rushed to hospital. And in 2 more weeks, Aaron will be released and everything will be okay because their family will be back together. 2 more weeks and Aaron will be released and he’ll come straight to the hospital, not listening to anyone telling him to get some sleep or get something eat. He’ll come straight to the hospital and he’ll hug Liv and thank her for being there for Robert while he couldn’t, then he’d sit where Liv has and take hold of Robert’s hand and wait for him to wake up. Because he will wake up, he will.

* * *

 

She hear’s Victoria return with some hot chocolate from one of the vending machines. It isn’t the best hot chocolate but it’s something. Robert makes the best hot chocolates. Every time she feels sad or angry or even those times when Liv doesn’t say anything, it’s like Robert knows she needs a pick me up and then 5 minutes later he’ll come from the kitchen, up to her room with a hot chocolate, topped with cream and marshmallows and just for those few seconds, when he hands over the mug, she feels her worries disappear. Victoria smiles down at her and sits down beside her.

“You need to go home and get some sleep and something to eat. Robert won’t be happy with you staying here for so long and neither would Aaron” Liv knew Victoria was right but she couldn’t. She couldn’t leave him.

“I can’t leave him. He needs someone to be here with him”

“And I’m going to stay right here, until Chas brings you back. But Liv, there’s no using running yourself into the ground and making yourself ill” There’s no point in arguing, because the door opens and Chas is stood there and her face shows Liv there’s no room for arguments, she gathers her stuff and looks at Victoria.

“Do you mind putting Ed Sheeran’s album on through the speaker while I’m gone?” She goes shy all of a sudden with both Chas and Victoria looking at her intently. “It’s just- I’ve been playing it all the time for the past couple of days and I think he might like it”

“Yeah sure Liv, I’ll connect it now” Liv noticies Victoria’s eyes fill with tears, she doesn’t understand why and doesn’t have time to ask because Victoria is already busying herself with the music and Chas has got her arms wrapped around her, guiding her out of the room and towards the car park.

* * *

She listens to Ed’s album when she gets home. Listens to it as she gets in the shower, listens to it as she gets changed into new clothes, listens to it as she gets something to eat, barely able to keep anything down but she tries. The album is the only connection she has to Robert. She likes to think he knows that he won Aaron’s appeal and that he’s trying to tell her to turn this album off because “he’s got to maintain his reputation” but secretly he loves it. She likes to think he’s fighting to wake up, but he hasn’t got enough energy yet. Just a couple of more days and he’ll wake up, she can feel it. Just thinking about Robert waking up, lifts her spirits and she goes to tell Chas she’s ready to go back to the hospital. Just a few more days and she’ll get that sarcastic comment that she’s been waiting for.

* * *

They had to tell Aaron. They had no choice. He would of known, would of known something was up as soon as it wasn’t Robert who answered the phone. Chas was the one who told Aaron and they listened as Aaron tried to not breakdown in front of the other inmates but it was no use. It was even harder for Aaron, being in prison for another 2 weeks while Robert was in hospital. At least they could see him and know he was very much alive. Aaron didn’t even have that. Aaron only had their word to go on, couldn’t see Robert for himself, all Aaron had was his imagination.


End file.
